Christmas with the Kranks

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Christmas with the Kranks
Review (2/10)
(By Brendan Cullin)

Christmas With The Kranks stars Tim Allen as Luther Krank and Jamie Lee Curtis as his wife Nora in what amounts to what I consider one of the worst Christmas movies I have ever seen in my entire life and definitely one of the worst movies I have seen this year.

The story centres around the Kranks' decision to not celebrate Christmas because their daughter Blair (Julie Gonzalo) is not coming home for the holidays. They plan to go on an extravagent cruise and not partake in any Christmastime celebrations, including decorating their house. This decision is made much to the chagrin of their entire neighbourhood, including Vic Frohmeyer (Dan Aykroyd), who proceed to harass the Kranks in the days leading up to Christmas. But then all hell breaks loose when Blair phones her parents and tells them that she and her fiance Enrique (Rene Lavan) are now coming home. Luther and Nora have a matter of hours to decorate their house and give it that Christmas feeling before their beloved daughter arrives and realizes that her parents were not going to celebrate Christmas.

I can't really think of too many good things to say about Christmas With The Kranks. I have never, ever walked out of the theatre during a movie. Never. But I can tell you one thing - my foot was pointing towards the door as this disaster of a movie played out on the screen in front of me. It was not funny - ever. It gave me no reason to even look forward to Christmas. I didn't like any of the characters in the movie. Both Tim Allen and Jamie Lee seemed to just mail in their performances. Neither were even remotely interesting or impressive. It had some of the worst set designs ever (example - a patch of show around the Kranks front yard that was blessed with perfectly green grass in the middle of winter). I will admit the movie has a fairly decent warm, fuzzy-feeling type of ending that almost works but if it wasn't for the 1 1/2 hours of disaster before that last 15 minutes, perhaps I could have appreciated the ending more.

One other thing that caught my attention? Seeing Jamie Lee Curtis in a bikini. It was interesting seeing a woman who arguably had one of the best bodies in Hollywood at one time but now at a much older age. That scene I enjoyed (although I could have done without Tim Allen in a speedo). But I really can't stress to you enough that Christmas With The Kranks is so, so bad. It is a movie that I would only wish my worst enemies in the world to have to sit through. It is a movie that looks funny in the trailers but it is all an illusion. It is a movie that, after seeing, you hope that all the people associated with the movie are never, ever allowed within twenty feet of a movie camera or a roll of film for the rest of their lives.

Yes, this movie is that bad. I would recommend watching Gigli, Surviving Christmas and Master of Disguise back-to-back-to-back rather than watching only 20 minutes of the Kranks. Consider that piece of advice my Christmas gift to all you movie-goers that read this review. You're welcome.

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