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Review (5.5/10)
(By Brendan Cullin)

Did you know that while submerged underwater, you can apparently talk, scream and cry with your mouth open and not swallow any water? That's what I learned from Poseidon. The movie is about a cruise ship that is occupied by Fergie from The Black Eyed Peas, the ex-mayor of New York, a hot single mom and her young son, a Navy officer who has loads of money to gamble, a suicidal gay man who suddenly changes his mind when he comes face to face with a gargantuan killer wave and a few thousand other jovial, celebrating folk on New Year's Eve. The ship is flipped upside down by a giant tidal wave and a small group of people determined to survive must find their way through the ship and to safety. They must first battle a lot of water and waves, some fires, a drunken asshole and plenty of dead bodies of people who really don't seem to matter. Poseidon stars the likes of Josh Lucas, Kurt Russell, Richard Dreyfuss, Emmy Rossum, Freddy Rodriguez and Kevin Dillon.

Poseidon is basically a movie about a boat sinking and a group of six or seven people trying to escape - that's it and that's all. There's not a lot going on here. Very little character development, not a whole lot of dialogue (in fact, I barely remember Richard Dreyfuss saying a word after the first 45 minutes) and maybe a few exciting bits and a little touch of drama but that's about it. Maybe the movie would have been a bit more interesting if there would have been some aliens chasing the group or some sharks in the water or a few women running around in bikinis but there's none of that. Hell, even in the one panty shot we get the gal is wearing granny-panties. It's New Year's Eve!! Shouldn't she at least have been wearing a thong?

Overall, I would say Poseidon is at best a matinee saved for a rainy day. It's not a total disaster. There is some good action, a few cool special effects, a couple of ruthless death scenes including a rather humourous one involving a kick off the old pant leg, and a peculiar statue that oddly enough, is shaped like a weiner. Did anyone else notice that? Most importantly, this movie is short, as in barely 1 1/2 hours long, so it's not like it's a major investment of your time. But in the end, it's the lousy dialogue, the bizarre coincidences and the repetitiveness of each scene with the water, the fire, the locked doors and the near drownings that makes this movie fairly unappealing. Throw in the old "No Daddy No!" scene and this movie is definitely of the "proceed with caution" variety. Like I said, it might be worth a matinee or a DVD rental but don't plan on putting all your eggs in one basket when it comes to Poseidon.

Keyword : Fairly, Josh Lucas, Rain, Emmy Rossum, Action, Drama, Eddy, Upi, BoA, Variety, You, Asin, Dev, Kurt Russell, Ant, Kevin Dillon, Ate, Basic, Black, Escape, Ex, Face, Giant, GiE, Good, Here, Liar, May, Out, Pet, Poseidon, Red, Rent, Run, Running, RV, Special, The Ex, The One, Tidal Wave, Up, Water, With You, Bi, Now, Cas, Arin, Tere

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