10,000 B.C

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10,000 B.C
Review (5/10)
(By Brendan Cullin)

10,000 BC is kind of the Walt Disney version of Apocalypto and even then, not nearly as good. (Ironically enough, Apocalypto was released by Touchstone Pictures which is part of the Disney empire.) By Walt Disney version, I don't mean a Disney movie but more a movie about death, torture and supposed epic battles with nary a drop of blood in the entire movie. And by Apocalypto, I mean a movie with a bunch of no-name actors and actresses in ancient times when one tribe of people capture a whole bunch of men and children from another tribe and get them to build their pyramids - very similar concepts but unfortunately, two very different movies.

I have to be honest, when I saw the trailers for 10,000 BC I thought the movie was going to be about a bunch of cavemen chasing around a wooley mammoth and getting eaten by sabretooth tigers and I was pretty excited about it. Instead, what we get is the poor man's Apocalypto. Poor might even be giving it too much credit. It's more like the homeless version. The movie actually starts out okay but as it drags on, the horrible CGI, cheesy lines and convoluted storytelling just make the movie way too tedious. To top it all off, the movie looks like it was almost entirely shot in front of a green screen, and not a very good one at that.

The story actually begins with the simple caveman and hairy elephant angle but before you know it, there are witch doctors, psychics, old women with bleeding noses, astrology and a whole bunch of other crap that just leave you wondering what the hell is going on. Especially for the movie audience that it is going to attract, which will probably be a lot of teeny-boppers on March Break next week. It certainly isn't a movie for the much higher demanding movie fan who is going to expect a good story, some decent special effect and maybe a little bit of blood, or at least a little reality. If you're going to stab someone with a sword at least have a little blood.

Unfortunatley, 10,000 BC isn't a movie for 2008 AD movie fans - Apocalypto is that movie. It's just too bad that it's director is an asshole because Apocalypto was the best movie of 2006 and should have won best picture at the Oscars had it not been for Mr. Gibson and his drunken antics. 10,000 BC, on the other hand, should get serious consideration for one of the worst movies of the year and might even be a contender for a prestigious Razzie Award.


Keyword : Oscar, Rio, Children, Teen, You, Asin, A Di, Ant, Apocalypto, Ate, ATL, Cars, Empire, Epic, Ex, Good, Here, I Do, Look, Mammoth, May, Next, Once, Out, Red, Rent, Run, Saw, Screen, Special, Stone, The Trail, Up, War, Will, PTS, Touchstone Pictures, Bi, Now, Ron, Eren

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