Gigli

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Gigli
Review (6/10)
(By Brendan Cullin)

Gigli is pronounced like "really". That is the one thing I learned from the movie. It starts out calling the main character Gigli, pronounced like it is spelled, but B-Lo soon clears all this up. He says, "It sounds like really".

Gigli is the story of Larry Gigli (B-Lo), a Californian gangster who is assigned to kidnap the retarded brother of a federal prosecutor. His boss Louis, sends another mobster to make sure Larry doesn't screw things up because apparently Larry always screws things up. The second mobster is a sexy beast named Ricki (J-Lo), who also happens to be a lesbian.

Gigli might be the least anticipated movie of the year. It has got the worst buzz of any movie in recent memory. Rumors persist that director Martin Brest and one of the film's producers got in a fistfight following a poor test-screening. That, in itself, is rather humorous. Many critics have already labeled it as one of the worst movies of all-time.

Well, I am going to go out on a limb here and say that Gigli is not the best movie I have ever seen but I have seen worse. I have seen worse in the last few months, in fact. Is that a ringing endorsement or what? There is some bad dialogue in the movie and there are some head-scratching scenes but it is not all bad. I laughed at a lot of the sexual banter and otherwise between B-Lo and J-Lo. And although I have never really found J-Lo to be all that attractive (that ass does nothing for me), she did look good in the movie. There is one scene in Gigli involving J-Lo, yoga, and a pair of spandex shorts, that gives a whole new meaning to the term camel toe. I was surprised that J-Lo even filmed such a revealing scene. The guy sitting next to me in the theatre was moaning so much I had to look over to make sure he didn't have his hands down his pants. By the end of the movie I was so far to the right in my seat trying to be as far away from the perv as I possibly could be, that I was practically watching the movie from the aisle.

I do have to say that there is one scene in the movie where one of the characters takes a knife and slits their wrists. It was absolutely disgusting and totally unnecessary. I usually have a strong stomach for this stuff but this scene was absolute bullshit. It made me sick to my stomach. I would bet money that the fistfight involving Martin Brest and the producer had something to do with this shit. I mean did they really have to be so graphic, especially with a character that barely had anything to do with the entire movie. And why have a scene like that and then never mention it for the rest of the damn movie. I had a hard time concentrating on the movie for about ten minutes after that waste of film scene. This scene alone will probably ruin the movie for a whole lot of people. I just did not get it. Please, someone explain it to me.

Besides the suicide attempt, there is a brief appearance by Christopher Walken, where he plays a really weird FBI agent and another cameo by Al Pacino that I thought was pretty good, probably the best moments of the entire film. Although I did begin to wonder, can Pacino actually talk in a normal voice, or does he yell every single last word he ever speaks at the top of his lungs?

Well, I guess that's all I have to say about Gigli. After re-reading this I really don't know what the hell I have said. I guess I am a bit hesitant to admit this because I know it is en vogue right now to only wish the worst for B-Lo and J-Lo, but I did not hate Gigli. I found it to be mildly entertaining. I laughed. I almost puked. I liked the ending - not the whole B-Lo and J-Lo stuff but the stuff involving the retarded brother. I thought that stuff was cute. Although there was some really bad stuff that happened in Gigli, I thought it was okay. I didn't feel like kicking the shit out of anyone after I saw the movie (well, the moaning bastard could have used a quick shot in the head), and after what I have read and heard about the movie so far, that might just be a good thing.
 

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